FLATCREST, PR – Health officials were left baffled today after their plan to allow Weeacon 2016 to continue after severe violations of the department’s body odor policy backfired on them. They initially believed that moving the 7,800 anime fans to relocate to a different venue, which allowed them to continue their convention would be beneficial to solving the odor problem. But, they found out the hard way that it only made it worse.

The Flatcrest Convention Center was playing a key role in keeping the sweat pocket, which contained 10,000% more bacteria than the maximum allowed, from going awry. After moving Weeacon to the local baseball field, a rave started, which created a new sweat pocket even bigger than the one in the convention center leading to severe consequences.

The city of Flatcrest was evacuated as the air in three districts became too toxic to breathe, FPD say. It was reported that about 1,000 people were hospitalized as a result.

No convention goers were harmed as they were oblivious to their own odor. However, they were quarantined and made to shower. Weeacon 2017 will be held on a secluded island in the North Pacific Ocean to prevent any other human lives from being endangered by their scent.

SHANGHAI, CHINA – For the past several years, China has been struck with the effects of major smog that leaves citizens gasping for air every time they leave their homes. Many people are harshly critical of the CCP’s mismanagement of the pollution crisis. This was never the case. After a thorough analysis of air in Beijing, Shanghai, and Shenzen, the culprit was finally discovered.

The air contains the vapor from electronic cigarettes, used in “vaping”. Which has become surprisingly popular among Chinese youth, who mainly prefer the old fashioned way of destroying their lungs, cigarettes

The Chinese government swiftly took action and closed every vape shop in the country after a massive police raid. The results of which were unparalleled to anything else ever seen by the human populace. Changshan fixed its smog problem by banning vaping in city limits in 2013, and China has followed through with the same plan.

The skies were blue in Beijing and for the first time in years, visibility is above 25 miles. Chinese citizens can rejoice knowing they can finally go out and breathe the air without having to suck in some hipster’s garbage juice. Chinese health official Bo Yang said, “This is truly a step in the right direction. Without vape, we will have clean air for future generations to breathe.”

Vaping was also blamed for the country’s toxic water, which came after people dumped old vape juice into bodies of water throughout the nation.

FLATCREST, PR – Anime fans in Neomongolia were saddened today as their annual gathering Weeacon 2016 was shut down by health officials, who cited numerous health hazards with the convention. Including a severe violation of the department’s body odor policy.

“This is an outrage! BAKA!” a man going by Rinu-San told us, as he performed an anime move from some show that we did not look into.

Local police have received numerous reports of disturbances caused by convention goers, but none ever warranted a complete shutdown of the gathering itself, since most of them were harassment calls involving adult male attendees groping teenage Asian girls that walked past. However, a sweat pocket in the 2nd floor of Flatcrest Convention Center caused federal authorities to step in.

The 7,800 attendees, who called themselves “Otakus”, were left outraged afterward. Many complaining about racism against Japanese people, which was greatly ironic because 87% of the attendees were white.

The convention center was quarantined by a local hazmat crew and will be restored to full operations by Tuesday afternoon.

Weeacon will be relocated to an open roof venue for adequate ventilation, even though the cold winter air will make the last two days of the con an unpleasant experience.

MUMBAI, INDIA- India’s space program, ISRO, was both shocked and angered today after learning about the launch of Neomongolian space probe FUIDM. FUIDM was said to carry a robot and parts to assemble a functioning toilet on the moon. The probe was launched shortly after hearing of India’s POOMOONII probe, which was launched Friday evening and has yet to reach lunar orbit. When asked to comment, ISRO officials merely responded with a distraught “Ah -expletive- you, India #1 world superpower, Cost less than Gravity movie.”

FUIDM will be using state-of-the-art solar sails to reach Lunar orbit in only 28 hours. From there, they will deploy the toilet parts and robot to the projected landing of POOMOONII.

India has launched a counter rocket, but it crashed into the Indian Ocean.

FUIDM costed less than Gravity, by a long shot.