FORT COLLINS, CO- The US general election season is in full swing. However, support for presidential hopeful Jeb Bush is dwindling. After an embarrassing rally in which Bush requested an audience of roughly 50 people in a slightly crowded conference room to applaud his speech, leading to a few golf claps. The speech was also underwhelming, sounding like it was delivered by a shy teenage boy with Asperger’s.
However, that doesn’t mean Jeb Bush wasn’t applauded. Peter Noble, a man living in his mother’s basement, gave a standing ovation for Jeb’s speech while watching a Youtube video of it in the comfort of his own home.
The 34-year-old unemployed computer scientist supported Jeb Bush for many years, stating that he is a very “strong and courageous man” who “made a name for himself and got married, can interact with other people, and can produce a steady income” all three of which Noble cannot do.
Noble’s basement was unkempt and unprepared for our interview, citing health issues like a “Guaca-Bowle” which was filled with cigarette buds and urine. When asked about the bowl, Noble refused to comment.
Neomongolia prays for your nation’s future.