INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz was admitted into a Indianapolis psychiatric facility today after a devastating loss to Donald Trump in the Indiana primaries. Sources say that Ted Cruz went into a catatonic state after delivering his farewell address, reading passages from the book of Revelation and dousing himself in maple syrup. Paramedics were called to his tour bus and rushed him to Indianapolis Psychiatric Hospital. Coincidentally, he was placed in the same room as Jeb Bush, who is undergoing long term care for PTSD after his failed campaign. Bush was transferred to the facility in mid-April after doctors in South Carolina could not handle his rambling.
The two men reportedly got along quite well, doctors are telling us that Ted Cruz has been stabilized and is now discussing how to take down the ‘big mean Trump man’ with Jeb Bush. Bush, who is due for release in August, is considering running for president alongside Ted Cruz in the near future.
Jeb Bush was placed on suicide watch in February, and has been in care ever since. Doctor Michael Franco, a psychiatrist at the facility says that Cruz was the best thing to happen to Bush.
“He’s been mumbling to himself all the time before we took on our new patient,” Franco said, “Sometimes delivering speeches and begging a non-existent audience to clap for him. We don’t know if it’s a PTSD flashback or early stage schizophrenia, but we are currently running tests.”
There is no word on when Cruz will be released, but doctors say it could be several months to a year.