Bernie Sanders to dominate Super Tuesday

VERMONT, USA – Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders is set to dominate Super Tuesday this week. As the socialist candidate prepares for the biggest moment of his political career, no scratch that, his life. Sanders has prepared for years to take all competition down and cement his legacy.

Sanders is set to compete in the Super Tuesday Taco Smackdown, which takes place at the Gutterson Fieldhouse in Burlington, Vermont in front of around 4,500 enthusiastic attendees. The Taco eating contest is something that Sanders has trained for since 2008. After a humiliating loss at the 5th annual event in 2006. He has been eating 50 tacos a day for the past year in his final stage of training. However, he credits kale and some supplements to being the key of keeping his metabolism in check.

“I will do better this time,” Sanders said, “I have prepared for years. I can now eat 500 tacos in 10 minutes.”

The winner of the 10 minute contest will receive 50,000 dollars as well as praise for being a gluttonous pig.


As for the political Super Tuesday, Sanders is likely going to lose to Hillary Clinton during the Democratic Primaries this evening.

Let’s all hope Bernie can score the win and be Vermont’s hometown king of gluttony.


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