CHANGSHAN, CH – Social Justice Warriors ran rampant for nearly a week as they cordoned off the NNN News Building from the city. Their motives were unclear, but sources speculate they were angered by the “sexist, white photocopy machines” which are located throughout the building. This standoff lasted an incredibly long time, as they had two protesters sit outside the building’s entrances. This was a challenge for police as these demonstrators each weighed about 500 pounds.

SWAT Teams were forced to intervene after a grueling negotiation process failed, leading to three injuries and numerous arrests. The hostages, who were shaken but unharmed, were treated by crisis therapists that arrived on scene. Changshan Police were unable to approach the SJWs without proper equipment.

“We can’t stand for this problematic scenario” Beth McIntyre, a demonstrator in the lobby said, “The fact those machines were white and intimidating to women who work in the building is an issue that needs to be faced.”

McIntyre was later seen being loaded into an ambulance after taking a pepper spray can straight to her genital region. Many other SJWs were seen kicking and screaming when getting loaded into police vans. The scene was a mess when officers arrived. Including urine, period blood, and other bodily fluids that were strewn all over the offices in the building. It was said that 40 million dollars in damages were done machinery inside. NNN will return to full operations soon.

One of them threw bloodstained underwear at me. I think I have PTSD.